I’m feeling a lot less cluttered now, both in my room and IN MY MIND. My room looks positively barren now, save for the large table taking up a good third of the floor space.  But I did find some cool stuff I had completely forgotten about! Among the loot, I found:

• A really nice looking wallet. This must’ve been a Christmas present (from either 2009 or 2010) that I never got around to unpacking. It has taken the place of my dilapidated leather wallet.
• Two, count ‘em, two BFF bracelets. This should have a great deal of significance for those who went on the 2010 Spring Break service mission trip to Texas.
• A couple of old Halloween costumes, the pinball machine and the YouTube video. I finally just threw them out.
• A stack of encouraging notes, which I consolidated with a collection of old photos.
• My old organizer, which finally got the boot. It’s just been encouraging me to hang on to old junk.

So there you have it. And again, don’t count on me continuing this whole “regular posting” thing. It’s probably just a phase.

Tonight is going to be a good night.

Man, it’s like walking into an abandoned concert hall… The wooden floors creaking beneath a thin layer of dust, crisp and undisturbed as a new morning’s snow-fall, a gossamer of cobwebs suspended from the wall-mounted lights, their shimmering bronze finish long-since faded, the whole nine yards.

I haven’t posted in nine months. For those of you that actually use(d) my site for a dose of comedy or just to know what the latest happenings in my life are, I’m sorry! I’m a terrible person to have abandoned you like that. The fact of the matter is that interesting things stopped happening to me about the time I got an actual job with actual responsibilities.

Now, this isn’t some kind of resolution to start posting everyday or something like that, so don’t get your hopes up. This is more of a quick recap of what has happened since last I posted:

• I got a promotion! I’m now the manager of the Computer Depot in Seymour, and also the only person actually there most of the day. I finally have the chance to impose some order on the untamed snarl of miscellaneous cables and haphazardly stacked PCI card. As soon as I actually catch up on these managerial responsibilities.
• I got a guitar! Not on load from my sister anything, but my own acoustic 6-string. And it is not easy! I will seriously say that violin is easier to play. At least with that you only need to worry about one, maybe two notes at a time. Guitar is like Twister for your hand. I don’t think my fingers are supposed to bend like this. Also I have been doing a bit more melodica.
• Our Minecraft server is still up and running, though I rarely play nowadays. Having a full-time job means less free time, so I have to be careful with what I do with the precious little I have. For video games, most of my playtime still goes to Team Fortress 2. I’ve had a bit of fun with the new in-game replay editor, capturing some of my favorite moments. It just struck me that people who have never seen the game before will have no clue what is going on in that video.
• Also one other thing, yet to be named on the ole’ Internets. But there are a sizable number of people who know what I’m talking abYES I MEAN YOU, LURKING ON THIS BLOG. HELLO. THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY. IT’S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU OVER, PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT WHILE I GET THE TEA BREWING.

Anyway, this afternoon I broke out Photoshop and made a new desktop background based on the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Here it is in 1280 by 800 (click if you’d like the full size image):

This particular Sunday, I was scheduled to lead singing at Laurel. Nothing really unusual was planned for the service. A few familiar songs, some less familiar, but I felt comfortable enough with everything.

We made it through the first half of the service without a problem. No microphone malfunctions, no botched songs, all was going fine. I sat down for the sermon and got my music ready for the final two songs. I crossed my legs and got comfortable. Looking down, I saw my sock was annoyingly visible. When I sat down, my pants were a little too high up on my legs. So, fidgeting in my seat, I begin to tug on my pant legs to get a bit more slack. On the final tug for the left leg, wherein my trouser situation would be resolved, I felt far more slack than was to be expected. Feeling around, I noted a rather large gap in the fabric.

Uh-oh.

A bit of casual damage assessment indicated the breach was right where my shirt ended. The rip itself would be out of sight, but the hole sagged into view. As the lesson began, I started to weigh my options. I decided to seek out some tools to mend the tear. Cautiously keeping my back to the wall, I sidled out into the hall. I stopped at the bathroom to double-check my original assessment and confirmed my suspicions on the hole’s placement.

Dipping back through the hall, I popped in to the nearby office. Spying the workroom just ahead, it dawned on me that a needle and thread is unlikely to be included in the standard set of office supplies. Still, I stood resolute in the idea that I would find something of use.

Scotch tape was the first item I happened upon, but I knew it wouldn’t hold for long on fabric. The nearby scissors would help in dealing with loose thread, but ultimately wouldn’t do much for repairing the breach. Then I spotted the stapler.

Now, understand that I knew how terrible the idea seemed, but when one is in a situation of this gravity, the best solution, no matter how awful, must win out. So I grabbed the stapler and started twisting my pants around. To say this was a difficult angle in an understatement. I knew removing my pants would make things much simpler, but I’ve seen enough sitcoms to know that can’t end well.

I managed to get a few staples in to hold the hole shut. It wasn’t a full fix, but the tear was now confined to the area about the end of my shirt. I slipped back in to the auditorium for the rest of the lesson and managed to lead the last few songs. I just made sure not to move around much.

A solid foundation is a good start for any project.

Several bricks of snow later, things begin to take shape.

After a tense roof-building session, we patch up some holes.

Seats one.

I have no idea how Facebook handles album links, but you might be able to find more pictures here.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a sound could be heard save the click of the mouse.
A bright LCD screen illuminated my face
As I sat up in bed, surfing cyberspace.

I’d wrapped up my presents with mathematical precision
Which now sat ‘neath the tree, next to the television.
‘Twas a yuletide display of exquisite design
To interior decorating, a veritable shrine.

Now e-mail was checked, and double-checked, too,
Facebook, Slashdot, and Reddit, they’d all been reviewed.
Even StumbleUpon had run out of good sites,
So it seemed a good time to turn in for the night.

When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
My eyes still adjusting to the low-light conditions
Left me naught but sound to examine the apparition.

A listen check of 16 (+3 modifier)
Revealed that the sound came from somewhere up higher.
I knew who it must be, no need for more proof:
It just had to be Santa Claus up on my roof.

I ran to the chimney filled with anticipation,
Bringing out milk and cookies in quick preparation.
My eyes were affixed to the fireplace flue
When someone opened the front door and then walked right through.

I had expected someone jolly, of holiday fame,
But this figure was sullen, with coke-bottle frames.
He wore a red button-up with unmatching bow tie,
And his dorky green slacks were hiked up too high.

A fine pocket protecter was kept in his shirt,
And his hair in a bowl-cut so awful it hurt.
The outrageous display made him look such a fool,
His level of awesome underflowed back to cool.

He spoke not a word (he was socially inept)
But got straight to work; to the stockings he crept.
He reached into his backpack where he stored all the gifts,
And he filled them right up; he was awfully swift.

I saw freeware and pageviews (the number was shocking).
Lolcats and macros flew into my stocking.
He picked up my laptop I had left by his snacks
And he cleaned out the malware, quick as a flash.

He spotted me watching (I failed my hide check),
So I gave him the Vulcan salute from Star Trek.
He waved nervously, gave a nod and a grin
And headed back out the same way he had been.

With his job now complete, he pulled out his Blackberry.
Did he call to his sleigh team? No, on the contrary.
I gave him my wireless router’s password,
And into the series of tubes dove the nerd.

He’d swim through the net to the next geek’s abode
To leave gadgets and programs and fix his buggy code.
But I heard him exclaim as he went on his way,
“Great, I’ll be here all night. You’re on 56k.”

Dirty Santa, or White Elephant, or whatever you want to call it, is a gift exchange game. Participants each bring one gift. Order is randomly assigned. Each person may either open a gift or steal a gift that a previous player has opened. If your gift is stolen, you get another turn to either open or steal a gift. Pretty simple. In one variant, gifts are locked in place (no longer stealable) after they have been stolen so many times.

As the game was about to begin at our annual CSC Christmas party, a few of us nerds begin to discuss some of the finer points of the game. Is there an optimal turn one would want? How would we go about figuring that out?

Here’s some of the ideas that were brought up to consider:

• You wouldn’t steal a valuable gift early, for fear of it being locked with someone else.
• One could steal a gift with the intention of it being stolen later, granting them a turn later in the game.
• Value may not be objective, but each player should have some idea about the average value a gift may hold.

So the question becomes “given a certain steal limit per gift and a certain number of gifts, what turn would allow a player to achieve the highest value present?”

Also of note, it seems WordPress hates really large files. After reducing the image size, I’ve uploaded it to imgur: http://i.imgur.com/sg1TN.jpg

Some of you may be familiar with the Magnifier program in Windows. It’s used to enlarge part of the screen, allowing those with poor eyesight to read small text. You can change the magnification, too, up to 1600% in Windows 7. One customer brought in her system for something along the lines of trouble connecting the Internet. I turned on her system and found she had magnifier set to run at start-up. The magnification level? One hundred percent. Let me expound on that a bit. The right half of her screen was showing what the left side of her screen looked like. It’s like wearing glasses with no lenses… I mean, yeah, you can still see everything fine, but it’s a bit of a hassle…

Working at the Powell store, I took in a system for a middle-aged woman. She smelled. No, let me rephrase; “smell” could describe the actions of a dead animal or sewage system. This was no smell. No. This had officially graduated into stench. This woman exuded an eldritch odor which caused my entire olfactory system to scream in protest. I assume she went on to describe her problems getting on the Nascar site or watching the “innerwebs,” but my mind had long-since shut down. I could only nod and hope my dwindling air supply could hold out until she was gone. After the system was finally checked in, I ran out back for air. Later, I was informed by another tech that roaches were in her computer case and that her smell had persisted for days after my return to Cedar Bluff.

Less of a horror story, more of a fun one: this little old lady came in the door one day at the Cedar Bluff store. I say old, but I guess she was in her forties. Still, she had the gait of a grandmother, that sort of half-shuffle. We helped her bring in her desktop and a surprisingly large monitor. I get a bit of contact information from her and prepare to listen to how she deleted the Googles or how she can’t access her Norton Foxfire. “Well hon, whenever I log in to the beta version of Final Fantasy XIV, the computer freezes on me. I know my video card meets the minimum system requirements, so I’m at a bit of a loss here.” What. We later found out she has two accounts on FFXI which she plays side-by-side on her gaming laptop.

New game.

Minecraft.

In short, lego meets… well, I’ve never really had a good way to end that phrase. Minecraft is an anomaly of games. It’s a game that let’s you play it how you want to play it.

In long, you’re dropped in a randomly generated landscape dotted with mountains, waterfalls, lakes, valleys, caves, forests, beaches, and so on. The terrain is blocky. Really blocky. Lego blocky. You can grab any part of the landscape and place it somewhere else. Grab yourself a few trees worth of wood and build a nice house. Dig out some dirt to explore an underground cave. Build yourself an island out of scavenged sand.

Then you can craft items. You can combine stone and wood to make some basic tools like picks and shovels and use them to gather resources more effectively. You can mine some iron out, build a furnace, then smelt the ore with coal to make a strong set of tools. Dig deep enough and you’ll find some nice gems and metals.

At night, monsters come out. A well lit house keeps the monsters away, so you gather resources in the day, dig during the night. You build yourself an empire quite literally brick by brick. It’s fantastic.

Because I’ve been too lazy to post anything substantial in a while, I’m making a Let’s Play series of my exploits in Minecraft (read: something everyone on the Internet has done already).

If you’re looking for interesting new games, hit the video below for a look at how the game looks and runs. If you’re not looking for interesting games and came here to read about my life, nothing interesting is happening now, try again later. Watch the video anyway if you need an Eric fix.

Minecraft website