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Noodles September 1, 2005

Posted by eric22222 in General.
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Currently listening to: “If we are the Body” by Casting Crowns

I’ve tried to avoid posting twice in two days, as to avoid drying up my creativity resevoirs, but I feel this is post-worthy. So here’s a two in a row post, despite the high gas prices.

There is an unwelcome visitor in the CSC… small, silent, seemingly harmless… until it’s too late. Yes, my friends. Be on your guard, lest ye too fall victim to its power. Aye, has been many a year since something like this has struck our peaceful land. This will disrupt our very way of life! Quickly! Hide thyself in ye olde bomb shelter! I will get our defenses prepared! *warms up chicken soup*

It’s true. Everyone’s sick. Everyone. Even you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t live in Knoxville. You’re still at risk. So how can you protect yourself? First off, check the potential splogger’s profile. … …wait… Oh. First off, you need to make sure you are completely devoid off sickness. To make sure you are perfectly healthy. One of the easiest ways to do so is to hurt yourself somehow. Either by jumping off of or into something. If you don’t feel any worse, you must be sick! If you do feel worse following the jumping, well, you’re in need of medical attention now, so we’ll just keep going.
Step two: rid yourself of whatever ails/afflicts you. Now for this, most would suggest medicine, maybe going to the doctor, but what you really need is to balance your suffering. Let’s say you have tooth, head, stomach, and back aches. Your arms and legs feel better than the rest of you. To solve this, try jumping off of or into something, and landing on your arms and legs. Your pain is now properly balanced.
C) Force all the pain out of your body. You may think that you could just jump off of or into something for this to work. Wrong! You need to jump off of something really high or into something at a high speed. You are now properly protected from sploggers. … …wait… Oh.

First off, get some medicine, then follow it up with plenty of rest and throat noodles. I guess I need to tell you guys the story of throat noodles. Those of you that are easily grossed out, look away.

I take a noodle, sometimes spaghetti, and swallow it. Except I hold on to one end. Then I have a noodle that is in digestive purgatory. Halfway in my throat, halfway dangling out my mouth. Then I can pull it back out.

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