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Choreographed Spam July 10, 2006

Posted by eric22222 in General, Malaysia, Personal Favorites.
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Currently listening to: “Ocean” by Ten Shekel Shirt

Today was an off day. We got to spend lots of time sleeping in, eating, and just resting up for this next week. But there was one more thing on our to-do list: e-mail Justin about 20 messages about how everything’s going horribly. We carefully listed all the things we wanted to mention, decided who would e-mail which message, and carefully drafted the e-mails. We ordered them carefully for maximum effect. With only two computers working at the church, we had to do a lot of log-inning and log-outting. We called out which message was to be sent next to get the order right. After they were all sent, I had them forwarded to me so I could let everyone see how hilarious it was. We actually went through the LST rulebook and sent e-mails that specifically targeted breaking it. Anyway, here they are. (Click “more”) Enjoy!


Justin, sorry to bother you, but we’ve hit a minor snag: we were taking some “Free English Classes” signs to the church. We had just picked them up from the print shop. Anyway, we walked by a political rally on the way back. We got stopped by the police, and we forgot our passports. The worst part was that the print shop misprinted the signs to say “Down with the Yang di-Pertuan Agong”. Not sure what that means. We’re in jail now, so as soon as you get a chance, call up the embassy. We didn’t carry their phone number (or the on-site missionary’s number) with us like we were supposed to.
Thanks,
Eric
—–
Oh no, Justin! We have just realized that our return tickets are lost! We locked them up in a cabinet here at church and now they’re gone, which is a real bummer. Do you think you could contact LST about getting us some new tickets? You know, we were talking about it and none of us really like to fly anyway. Do you think we could sail back home? Hey, we could even stop off in Hawaii and make it a cruise! Isn’t Hawaii the half-way point? Thanks for your help in this.

mer
—–
We’re having a bit of a team dynamic problem. I don’t think she means it, but Meredith and Muffie and I have talked, and we agree that Loraine is a bit out of line. She’s been raising her voice alot lately. In fact, she practically yells at us recently. Its not just that she’s normal quiet Loraine and then blows up; she’s been doing it alot. She just won’t seem to quit and I think her voice is disturbing the readers. The whole block can hear her.

What do you think we should do?

-Brad
—–
Justin, Brad is suffering severely from culture shock and it’s getting out of control. He’s an emotional wreck! Could you do us a favor? Get online and search the Malaysian yellow pages for Papa John’s, Taco Bell, Burger King, or anything else American. Brad can’t stand the Asian food and maybe a taste of something American would help him with all the mal-adjustment problems he’s having. Thanks again for all your help.

mer
—–
Hey Justin,

We have a problem. Meredith has been sulking and walking off to places by
herself. Every time we look around, the entire team has to go searching for
her. Even last night, she left me alone in the mall. I walked around the thing
for almost an hour looking for her. It turns out, she just didn’t want to shop
anymore, so she just came back to the church building!

We think that she’s actually been seeing a Malaysian. I think it’s Brad’s
reader Lvis. That’s where she has to be sneaking off to.

Loraine
—–
Hey Justin, you’ll never believe this, but Eric is flirting with a reader as we speak. He’s out of control! I can’t believe it’s come to this, but I’m sitting here watching him bat his eyebrows at her. Her name is Dang Wangi. Should I call Craig ASAP? I think I better because they’re planning to go on a date to the dance club tonight. So sorry I have to be the one to inform you of this serious offense.

mer
—–
Justin, I’ve got a problem. We were traveling independtly in KL, and I don’t know where I am. I can’t find a phone or any people. There aren’t even any internet cafes around here. Not sure if you’ll even get this. If you’re reading it, then my carrier pigeon made it to a computer. E-mail me back soon!
Eric
—–
Hey Justin. I just wanted to let you know that I’m about to get on the phone with Craig. Eric just won’t hear reason. He’s got an opinion about everything and he’s forcing us to do it all his way. I’m fed up with his “leadership.” Forcing your opinions on others is not very 1-A.

Brad
—–
Justin, Loraine is a horrible accountant! She micromanages the budget and won’t let anyone else make decisions about what to buy. Last week all she bought us to eat was donuts. Not only is this misuse of the funds, but I am afraid she has become a donut addict. Has LST written a module about how to handle accountants who buy too many donuts? Let me know ASAP!

mer
—–
Need your advice on something: We were on the beach listening to some Michael Bolton music. Loraine was over tending her mosquito bites, so she didn’t see it, but Mer can vouch for me. This monkey climbed down from a tree, swam out into the water, came back holding a jellyfish, and struck Brad about eight times. I didn’t see anything in the handbook about treating jellyfish-weilding monkey wounds, so I need you to do some research. Hurry, Brad stopped breathing about five minutes ago.
Eric
—–
Hey Justin,

One more thing. I’ve been doing some heavy saving with the budget. We have
been a little hungry for the past few weeks, but I think that it will be worth
it in the end. I was thinking that we should donate what we have left to the
church. What do you think?

Loraine
—–
Hey Justin, book those cruise tickets for August 15 instead of the original return date. We’ve all decided it would be a good idea to stay here for longer and help with the follow-up. The church really needs it, so I know you’ll understand.

mer
—–
I’m starting to really worry about Meredith. For our fourth off-day in a row, Meredith just won’t get out of bed. She says she doesn’t mind if we go out, but I’m not sure she ever recovered from jet lag. I think she’s too tired to do LST. We need to take her to a doctor soon, so we’ll put that on the emergency fund, okay?

Brad
—–
Hey Justin,

I think Brad is having a little problem controlling his American tendencies.
He keeps yelling at Asians, “America is #1.” On top of being embarassed to be
seen in public with him, he keeps slapping his rump at the rest of the team.
This has gotten so annoying. I think it’s worthy of a gray stamp.

Can you get Mike to email us about it?

Loraine
—–
Justin, the we’ve lost the girls. They’re probably out doing their girl stuff. Making us do all the work and whatnot. If you could call them and straighten them out, that’d be great. And tell them we’re at the internet cafe.
Eric
—–
Justin,

I am so upset. We are having some problems with the boys. They were talking
about going off to go to this big arcade all afternoon and Mer and I didn’t
want to go. So, we went to get pedicures because they can’t always make us tag
along on their silly escapades. After we got out of the salon, the boys were
not at the arcade. We can’t find them anywhere. We just found this internet
cafe outside the mall and are just sitting here wondering what to do.

Please email us soon and tell us what to do.

Loraine
—–
Scratch that. They were sitting at the computers next to us. Nevermind on the whole lost thing.
Eric
—–
Our trip to the Kuala Lumpur Planetarium didn’t go so well. The other 3 went into the distorted gravity room, and they haven’t been able to balance since. Seriously. They’re falling against the walls and floor like they’ve lost all sense of balance. We may need to fly them to a special hospital…for astronaughts.

Brad
—–
Justin,

The worst thing has happened. You know how Eric was breaking the rules to date
his reader Dang Wangi? He broke up with her right in the middle of a reading
session. It was awful. She ran out crying, disrupting all the rest of our
sessions. Even more, I think that Mer and Eric have a thing going on. I keep
seeing them stare at each other. Also, Mer didn’t seem that upset when Dang
Wangi ran out of the church building. She just rolled her eyes. Should we
contact Craig?

Loraine
—–
Do you think it would be okay if we join the others in speaking in tongues on Sundays? Get Todd’s opinion too and let us know by the end of the week.

kaohj fasdkyh dkfjo kd asdhfgown dkh? feiuf! Tfohdo sij dsoid dghs mvio 1dfh vbrg?

Brad
(tehCh0(01@+1!!11!!!)
—–

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Comments»

1. DrumGuyDavid - July 10, 2006

HA!!!! Great stuff!! Oh the rumors that could spread if such emails were accidentally sent to the listserv without an explanation!

2. jacuff - July 10, 2006

I have forwarded the messages onto LST, Kelsey and Lisa, Craig and Leslee, Mark and Sherrylee, Clay and Cherry, Julie, and Kristin.

This is a great example of LST’s 1A Leadership (1A=One Another) and should be included in all future training manuals.

3. Jon - July 10, 2006

I would wager that next year one of the rules will be not to falsely spam Justin….and only Justin.

4. heather - July 10, 2006

This gave me a few good laughs! Thanks for posting.

5. tammy - July 10, 2006

Wow! You guys are going to drive that poor Justin crazy with all that. But it’s funny!!! Oh and Eric, did you ever drink that frozen chocolate milk?

6. Bryan - July 11, 2006

That’s hilarious. I particularly like the print shop note.


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