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Tales from Chick-Fil-A: Customer Types October 13, 2008

Posted by eric22222 in General.

(In addition to Session 49 being posted, I’ve also posted a bit of out-of-character tomfoolery)

Since last time I spoke on some of the less enjoyable aspects of taking cash at Chick-Fil-A, I thought I’d focus on specific types of customers.

Vaguely Healthy
Typical order: “I’ll take a Chick-n-Strips Salad. I need extra Ranch dressing and a Large Diet Coke.”
Attention world: that is not eating right. A light salad is good for you, but not when you eat more dressing than you do salad. Secondly, Diet Coke is not healthy. Perhaps it’s relatively healthy compared to Coca-Cola, but compared to water, you may as well be eating spoonfuls of Splenda. It isn’t difficult to prepare Vaguely Healthy’s order, but you do feel bad that she thinks she’s doing her body a favor.

The Competent Orderer
Typical order: “Number 6 Caesar with Spicy dressing, coleslaw instead of fries, Dr. Pepper, lite on the ice.”
The Competent Orderer is a rare sight during peak hours, a true diamond in the rough. What makes this Chick-Fil-A goer so loved is his mastery of the menu. He knows exactly what he wants before he even arrives, and has exact change ready. He understands the time-critical nature of quick-service restaurants. For that, we love him.

The Packed Minivan
Typical order: “We need… two of the four-nugget kid’s meals, one with chocolate milk… Evan what do you want to drink? One with Sprite… one with a fruit cup instead of fries… four of the two-strip kid’s meals, one with sweet tea, one with lemonade… Lori, do you want fries? Ice cream instead of the toy for… five of those… Wait, what? Actually, make that Sprite a Diet Coke…”
The Packed Minivan is a gamebreaker. You can’t prepare for it, and you can’t avoid it once it’s coming. The difficult thing about it is that it keeps changing. A minivan full of five or six children is as unpredictable as the weekend’s weather for next year. Everyone has to stop what their doing and help, or the order will easily take five minutes, six minutes, maybe longer. One kid’s meal in an order is a minor annoyance. You can only imagine how much trouble six can cause.

The Conversationalist
Typical order: “What’s up man? How’ve ya been?”
We are not old friends. You don’t know who I am. No, I will not get you a free sandwich.

The Moment of Silence
Typical order: “…”
I know, I know. Our menu is a frightening wall of text. And let’s face it. Lunch is a major decision. Every day of the rest of your life hangs in the balance of this one choice: nuggets or strips? Take your time. You need just a minute? That’s fine. Ignore the ever-growing line of cars building behind you. Do you need any help deciding? Oh, sorry, just thought I’d offer since, you know, it’s my job. No no, it’s fine. I’ve got all the time in the world.

Play the Rules, not the Game
Typical order: “I’d like a large sweet tea with no ice, and three cups of ice.”
Play the Rules knows the menu. But unlike the Competent Orderer, who uses this power for good, this customer uses it to save three cents on their twenty-dollar order. I have to say that I’m impressed with Chick-Fil-A’s pricing system. There’s really no “right way” to order food to get the best price. Ordering a meal with fries and a side of slaw is the same price as a meal with slaw and a side of fries. Still, customers have found ways to exploit the system, utilizing every freebie they can. Especially cups of ice.

View other Chick-Fil-A based posts

* DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this article are awesome *



1. Jeff - November 8, 2008

dude your hilarious!

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