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Lickety Split January 30, 2011

Posted by eric22222 in General.

And now, an amusing anecdote about keeping one’s cool:

This particular Sunday, I was scheduled to lead singing at Laurel. Nothing really unusual was planned for the service. A few familiar songs, some less familiar, but I felt comfortable enough with everything.

We made it through the first half of the service without a problem. No microphone malfunctions, no botched songs, all was going fine. I sat down for the sermon and got my music ready for the final two songs. I crossed my legs and got comfortable. Looking down, I saw my sock was annoyingly visible. When I sat down, my pants were a little too high up on my legs. So, fidgeting in my seat, I begin to tug on my pant legs to get a bit more slack. On the final tug for the left leg, wherein my trouser situation would be resolved, I felt far more slack than was to be expected. Feeling around, I noted a rather large gap in the fabric.


A bit of casual damage assessment indicated the breach was right where my shirt ended. The rip itself would be out of sight, but the hole sagged into view. As the lesson began, I started to weigh my options. I decided to seek out some tools to mend the tear. Cautiously keeping my back to the wall, I sidled out into the hall. I stopped at the bathroom to double-check my original assessment and confirmed my suspicions on the hole’s placement.

Dipping back through the hall, I popped in to the nearby office. Spying the workroom just ahead, it dawned on me that a needle and thread is unlikely to be included in the standard set of office supplies. Still, I stood resolute in the idea that I would find something of use.

Scotch tape was the first item I happened upon, but I knew it wouldn’t hold for long on fabric. The nearby scissors would help in dealing with loose thread, but ultimately wouldn’t do much for repairing the breach. Then I spotted the stapler.

Now, understand that I knew how terrible the idea seemed, but when one is in a situation of this gravity, the best solution, no matter how awful, must win out. So I grabbed the stapler and started twisting my pants around. To say this was a difficult angle in an understatement. I knew removing my pants would make things much simpler, but I’ve seen enough sitcoms to know that can’t end well.

I managed to get a few staples in to hold the hole shut. It wasn’t a full fix, but the tear was now confined to the area about the end of my shirt. I slipped back in to the auditorium for the rest of the lesson and managed to lead the last few songs. I just made sure not to move around much.



1. Stephanie - February 21, 2011

bless it. That’s hilarious. You are such a MacGyver!

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